Facebook, mom and me

Again based on a true story

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Based on a true story.

Supposed to be comic strip I made a while back. Supposed to be funny. May not be.

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I dream of astronaut..

This is actually a dream I had, which I have storyboard-ed. I would like to make a short 5 second animation with it someday.

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The bit after he has landed should go very fast.. like he should drown in about 1 second.

An experiment in Linklater

This is an experimental conversational script-ish excerpt. I might update it or not.

Coffee and Chocolate

INT. CAFE - EARLY MORNING
A moodily lit cafe. Some neon. Lazy music playing in the background. There's only one man sitting at a table with a coffee and a laptop. The blue light of the laptop is reflecting on his face as he stares into space as if thinking something. Suddenly a girl enters the cafe. She is carrying a few things in a clumsy manner and clatters her way to the counter breaking the rhythm of laziness.

GIRL
Do you have hot chocolate
(Man nods)
Is it good?

COFFEE GUY
(in a somewhat offended way)
Yes Ma’am

GIRL
Ok. One (pointing to the table she is going to be sitting at)

She sits a table away from the man with the laptop as it is a smallish cafe. She sets her things down and suddenly looks panicked as she looks for something in her pockets, bags etc. Finally she finds he cellphone looks at it and sets it on the table.
Then she opens her bag and takes out what looks like a thick folded paper wad and starts opening it. The sheet of paper is huge and has some kind of a hand drawn map on it with all kinds of scraps, pictures etc. As she keeps opening it, struggling to keep it from flying, the sheet reaches the table of the man with the laptop. He looks at her and holds it down with a smile in order to help her. She returns his smile gratefully. She stands up and starts making gestures as if orienting herself to the map and looking hassled. Man with laptop looks amused. She realizes that she looks funny.

GIRL
(CONT'D)
You’ll have to pay to watch

MAN WITH LAPTOP
I’ll pay
(They both smile.)
MAN WITH LAPTOP
(CONT'D)
I can help you if you want, I know this area pretty well.

GIRL
I know it too.. Its just that I’m bad with maps..
(now muttering to herself)
Which is something I should have thought of before deciding to make one.
But yea.. I’m getting confused about Bajaj Road.. Do you think it turns into Khau gali here or here?
(the man comes over with his coffee)

MAN WITH LAPTOP
Here I think.. why are you making a map, even though its very nice

GIRL
(she sticks a Polaroid where he points)
I don't know really.. I needed to do something.. And I thought of this idea and decided to do it.. Usually I don't finish anything that I begin.. But this time I’m going to.
(She writes something while talking, folds the map and puts it away. The coffee guy comes with her hot chocolate)

MAN WITH LAPTOP
And what do you do otherwise... in general I mean?

GIRL
(she thinks for a while, sips her drink, makes a face)
Mmm.. you know I always hesitate asking that question to anybody.. If a person can answer it in a straightforward manner I don't really want to know them.. And if they cant then there's no use of asking in any case. You get my point? So what do you do..

MAN WITH LAPTOP
(smiles)
Is that a trick question then?

GIRL
Yes.. let me rephrase. What are you doing right now on your fancy laptop?

MAN WITH LAPTOP
I’m trying to write my new stand-up act.

GIRL
Wow you do stand-up comedy? That’s so cool

MAN WITH LAPTOP
Yea.. But its stand up with a difference. I incorporate Indian videos, youtube videos, pictures I may have taken or from the internet into the act.

GIRL
Oh, is it like The Tonight Show or something?

MAN WITH LAPTOP
Not exactly.. Its more guerilla and intimate. You’ll know when you see it.

GIRL
Show

MAN WITH LAPTOP
(laughs)
What show.. It’s 5.30 in the morning

GIRL
Bhaav mat khao yaar

MAN WITH LAPTOP
Acha ok.. But I’m seriously compromising myself here
(the girl makes a mocking face)
So for example this time I’m going to start with a picture, which I don’t have right now, of myself as a kid and dressed like a girl in a pink frilly frock (OR he shows a picture of himself)
(the girl doesn’t show any emotion)
Because I’m a boy you know
(She smiles)
My mom and Bua dressed me up like a girl till I was 5 years because they liked the dresses and accessories made for little girls better. They could have bought a doll but it didn’t occur to them. Which is probably the reason that I do stand up comedy, to assert my masculinity because girls are not funny.
(Now the girl laughs)
I like how you didn’t get offended.

GIRL
Well I am a girl and you were obviously joking. But I know what you mean.. We are so sensitive.. Everyday some community gets offended about some inane thing. It’s like they are waiting to say “You hurt my feelings so I’ll now proceed to burn buses”. Apparently the Indian Motion Pictures would get letters from the Thakur community everytime a Thakur was shown as a villian. No wonder eventually our villians started being called Mogambo and Dr. Dang. Nobody will ask “Mogambo ka gaav ya jati kaunsi hogi?”

MAN WITH LAPTOP
Ha ha. You must allow me to use that in my act.

GIRL
Yea sure... you are paying right?

MAN WITH LAPTOP
(smiles)
Oh yea see this.. Most people have seen this picture of Advani from his election campaign that was plastered all over the city.




(Picture on his laptop)
What the fuck is he doing? Leading the nation or skateboarding
(imitates his pose)

Pop Culture

Mr. Ghulam Nabi Azad is the politician to look out for. The Minister of Health & Family Welfare has been coming up with groundbreaking ideas for population control. They are wildly creative and usher in a new kind of governance.

Idea 1: Improve late night programming on television so that people end up watching tv and not having children.

Idea 2: People should marry after the age of 30 so that they have fewer children.

The great thing about these ideas is that they aim at the root cause of the population problem: Sex
Marry late = No sex = No children
Encourage TV viewing at night = No sex =No children
(This formula is also a derivation of the axiom: Night = When people have sex)

So I think, it is our duty as responsible citizens to come up with ingenious ideas to add to this list. But remember the ideas should not involve any effort for the Ministry of Health and Family Welfare.

My Contribution:
Bathe once a week = Cultivate Body Odour = No sex = No children (Also saves water)

Start dangerous fist fights = Injure yourself badly or Die = No sex = No children

(I'll be adding to this list.. meanwhile contribute and have your name next to your idea.. don't be shy, let's not have sex)

The traffic made me philosophical

I think the most defining phenomenon of life is a traffic jam. Difficult to answer why it happens, how did it all start, where did it all start, when will it end.. and in the end it's all futile. Trajectory of traffic jams must have so many parallels with the way the universe functions.
And traffic signals are like man made gods that we have created to look up to for guidance and avoid killing each other as long as everybody abides.

When I'm stuck in a jam I look around and see so many different kinds of people. And I look at each one and make a story about why they would want to go in the direction I want to go.. .. I also feel like getting off and asking them. And talking them out of it. "Go back, your reasons for going are frivolous and you are blocking my way"

I also look at young turds who drive fast and recklessly and old bums who drive slow and carefully. And I think that logically, it should be the other way round. After all, old people don't have much time left, do they? They need to hurry. Also they've had full lives and can be reckless. Whereas youngsters should be slow and chilled. Drive at about 25 kms per hour. No 42. No 38. Let's take a vote on it.

Politically Correct and Correct Politics

I'm not really a serious follower/fan/critic of Obama policies. At best, I have a long-distance one-sided on again-off again love-hate relationship with them. And so, I'm writing this willing to be corrected in the process.

I never offered prayers for Obama's election (not that I offer prayers otherwise.. I don't have anybody to offer prayers to.. point is I didn't think of him much.) I only started following Obama's policies after he got elected. That too because his foreign policy seemed inclined towards more liberal and humanistic choices. In the very first week he announced that they would withdraw from Iraq, shutdown Guantanamo Bay prison, have environmental reforms, stop/reduce aid to Pakistan etc.

Very very interesting, I thought. Often political stories have the central character of a politician who starts with a lot of promise and noble intentions but the system gets to him in an anti-climatic way before he can do anything. Obama's swift actions made me think that perhaps disillusionment is overrated. Perhaps it is actually easy to do the right things.

But a few months down the line not much seems to have changed. He seems to be traveling all over the world with the same "soaring rhetoric" only this time around its directed towards long standing civilizations and the need for being friends. And his friend-requests have mostly been accepted, considering everything that he says is right, even safe. Always politically correct.

However, he seems to have the same solution to most problems: Giving money.

Example 1: His government sanctioned a lot of money as federal aid to banks and financial institutions on the verge of bankruptcy. These institutions in turn used the money in the manner of spoilt rich brats. Some bought luxury helicopters, others expensive rugs for their offices and yet others announced bonuses. Of course Obama and company were furious with this abuse of public money

Example 2: At this point most of America's foreign aid is going to Pakistan to fight the war on terrorism. Financing one side in a war (mostly started by themselves) has been a favorite idea with various American governments. Historically and from a longer perspective it only works against them because eventually they cannot control who they arm. Not very long ago they financed Afghanistan to fight Russia and now they are financing Pakistan to fight Afghanistan. This has brought Pakistan to a civil war-like situation where innumerable innocent victims get killed and which could further continue the cycle of anger and resentment.


A lot of governments have been harmful towards their own people or their neighbors. However, post colonialism, USA has probably been the most harmful country towards the world if one were to check its track record of starting wars, inciting violence, validating imperialism for its own economic ends, causing pollution etc in various parts of the world.
Therefore, US foreign policy has significant repercussions and any pro action starting in the US can have far reaching and desirable effects. With Obama .. this positive change is so close yet so far.. Most things that he's said maybe politically correct, but is that enough.


Disclaimer: This post is specifically in relation to the US foreign policy.